Welcome to my inaugural awarding of the Jake Leg of the Week. Each week we will celebrate and raise our glasses in a toast to the biggest dumb a** making headlines in this crazy ol’ world of ours. Each winner will be presented the ‘Mooning Troll’ trophy. Feel free to send in nominations throughout the week as you see fit.
As you would expect, there were several well deserving
candidates dip sh**s this week, and like a herd of horses racing down the home stretch neck and neck it came down to the wire in a photo finish.
Now, without further adieu, here are my three nominations for the week:
Ozzie Guillen – Head Coach of the Miami Marlin baseball team
The controversial baseball coach made headlines when he expressed his admiration for communist Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. You don’t have to be the sharpest tool in the tool box to foresee the reaction the comments produced. First, the baseball team just celebrated the opening of its beautiful new stadium in Miami’s Little Havana neighborhood. Area residents were shocked at the stupidity of the comments and took serious offense to his remarks. Baseball suspended Guillen for only five games, while many were calling for his dismissal. This is the same coach who back in 2006 was fined for using a gay slur during a rant at a Chicago-area writer.
The ozzieness of stupidity explained his remarks. “I was thinking in Spanish and I said the wrong thing in English.” For real. I’m not making that up. That was his reasoning during his apology. I guess that’s what happens when you speak out your ass and think it will smell like roses.
Bobby Petrino –
Current Former University of Arkansas Head Football Coach
We are all aware of the economic hardships so many Americans are currently going through. But, have you ever witnessed a bigger dumb butt throw away over 18 millions dollars? Threw it away! And for what? Oh, that same old problem, that for some reason, most men never learn the lesson and are doomed to repeat. Seems Bobby thought he was Tiger Woods. You know the type…the guy that is better at thinking with his little head instead of his big head.
Days after illegally hiring his longtime mistress to work for him in the football department, Petrino wrecked his motorcycle with the young lady riding along with him. Seems Petrino tried to cover her appearance up to police and university officials. The fifty-one year old Petrino is married and has four children. His girlfriend was twenty-five.
The University Athletic Director fired Petrino “with cause” meaning Petrino will not receive the 18 million dollar buyout! And with his little head, he just pissed it all away…
Lamar Odom – NBA Basketball Player, Dallas Mavericks
Lets pretend that you have an incredibly high paying job (for some, you may not need to pretend). You are paid millions of dollars to do something you love. You get to travel and find adoration where ever you go. You fall in love with the glitz and bright lights of your hometown. Without warning, your boss comes in and transfers you away. Now the transfer isn’t to East Siberia or BF Egypt or some other far off and undesirable location, but a large metroplex in a very chic city.
No big deal, right?
But let’s say you object to the move. Shortly after arriving you take a ten-day personal leave of absence. You show up for work but you’re not ready to do your job physically. You’re habitually tardy to all work meetings and you were actually late for work, despite living right across the street from your workplace. You are cited for a lack of committment and lack of effort by your co workers. To top it all off, you get in a heated argument with the owner of the company. The bad news is the boss lets you go. You are publicly ridiculed. But you don’t care, because no matter what a big douche bag you are, you still get to collect the remaining 8.9 million dollars owed to you on your contract. Crazy, right?
Where can I sign up for such a job?
Time to cue the house band and ask the drummer for a drum roll….
And the winner is…..
What is it about men in Arkansas with money, prestige and power and use all this in order to have sex with much younger women? Seems like I’ve heard this story before…
So there you have it – our very first Jake Leg of the Week Award winner!
What do you think? Was Petrino the obvious winner in a landslide vote or was there someone more deserving that we overlooked? Cast your votes and don’t forget you can text your vote just like on American Idol!!
Now all we have to do is sit back and wait as the news unfolds each day for someone is out there lurking just out of our periphery, ready to claim the prize next week…until then, remember it is always best to think in English and speak in English!