Jake Leg of the Week Award – 4/20/12

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Amanda Clayton, Bill Maher, Blogs, Bobby Petrino, HBO, Jake Leg of the Week Award, Richard Land, Static in the Airwaves, Stay-at-home mom's, Tim L O'Brien

Welcome back to the second installment of Jake Leg of the Week.

I have to admit, the previous week was a near perfect week to start this weekly award. The stars perfectly aligned and the skies parted to reveal our first winner – Bobby Petrino.  There were plenty of deserving candidates to choose from.  This week has been somewhat slower, perhaps the fear of winning the ‘mooning troll’ trophy has kept potential candidates from inserting foot into mouth/showing their ass!

Lucky for me, I didn’t have to search too far. Seems idiots are not hard to identify and will always stand out in a crowded world.

A few disclaimers about this award. First, this in not a forum for the writer to vent or push his own political viewpoints on the readers. Everyone and anyone is fair game in this contest. I would prefer to choose a winner from the sporting world where prima dona’s are a premium, or the celebrity world, where entitlement seems to be part of the DNA makeup. Actors and sports stars are more fun to poke fun at.  Politicians are not exempt from this award, however, it must be noted that by allowing them to participate, they could potentially dominate the award, thus making it unfair to others.  And as our president continues to insist to us: it must be fair for everyone!

So here we go…Week 2 Nominees:

Amanda Clayton

The first candidate this week is a 25-year-old woman from Michigan who won $1 million in the state’s Make Me Rich! game show. Well, you can give the ignorant a bunch of money, but you can’t hide the ignorance, no matter how you dress it up.  Lottery winner, Amanda Clayton, continued using her food stamp card and never informed welfare officials of her winnings.  She has been charged with two felonies for welfare fraud.

Clayton believed she was justified in continuing to collect state payments because she is unemployed.  “I felt that its OK because, I mean, I have no income and I have bills to pay. I have two houses.”

Oh, by all means, keep using those foods stamps, we all would hate for you to sell that second house!

Bill Maher

Remember when a comedian was actually funny? Bill Cosby, Richard Pryor, Robin Williams, Chris Rock and George Carlin were all true comedians.  Bill Maher does not fit in this category. Instead, the HBO comedian show host is about as funny as poison ivy in the groin area. Come to think of it, Maher is exactly like poison ivy in the genitals.

His latest example of opening his mouth and showing his ass came as he continued to bash Ann Romney which only added more fuel to the war against stay-at-home moms. “Ann Romney has never gotten her ass out of the house to work at 7am when it’s cold, having to deal with the boss, being in a workplace, and even if you’re unhappy you can’t show it for 8 hours.”

Uh…um… is there honestly any point is stating the obvious counter point to his ignorance?

I see a new reality TV show in the future staring Bill Maher facing the challenges of a stay-at-home mom. Of course, the show wouldn’t last more than one episode. The liberal elitist would crumble. Now that would be comedy.

Other nominees receiving votes this week: Richard Land, president of the Southern Baptist Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission who used his radio show recently to accuse black leaders of exploiting Trayvon Martin for political gain. Land’s comments used during the radio program were lifted directly from a Washington Times article without giving attribution to the columnist… The Pulitzer Prize Board for failing to award a Pulitzer Prize for fiction.  For the first time in 35 years, the board failed to recognize a winner in fiction, angering authors and the publishing community… The 11 agents of the  Secret Service who engaged in activities with prostitutes in Cartagena, Columbia. The agents were disqualified from finalist contention this week because our budget only allows for one ‘mooning troll’ trophy per week.  We simply don’t have the budget to hand out 11 trophies in one week!

And the Jake Leg of the Week Award goes to….

Rosie O’Donnell with a penis Bil Maher!!!

Anyone that willfully angers stay-at-home mom’s, and mom’s in generally should immediately be admitted into the nearest psych hospital and tested for brain activity. Personally, I would rather be dipped in honey and forced to streak through a bee farm naked than anger an underappreciated group of mothers!

So lets celebrate and raise our glasses in a toast to the biggest dumb a** making headlines in this crazy ol’ world of ours.  I have a feeling Mr. Maher could be a repeat winner.

All weekly winners become eligible for the Jake Leg of the Year award.

So, did I miss any candidates this week? Was there a Jake Leg that didn’t appear on my radar? What do you think about Maher’s comments degrading stay-at-home mom’s?

Jake Leg of the Week Award

Tags

Blogs, Bobby Petrino, Fidel Castro, Jake Leg of the Week Award, Lamar Odom, Ozzie Guillén, Static in the Airwaves, Tim O'Brien

All winners will receive their very own mooning troll trophy to proudly show off to any friends they may still have.

Welcome to my inaugural awarding of the Jake Leg of the Week.  Each week we will celebrate and raise our glasses in a toast to the biggest dumb a** making headlines in this crazy ol’ world of ours.  Each winner will be presented the ‘Mooning Troll’ trophy.  Feel free to send in nominations throughout the week as you see fit.

As you would expect, there were several well deserving candidates dip sh**s this week, and like a herd of horses racing down the home stretch neck and neck it came down to the wire in a photo finish.

Now, without further adieu, here are my three nominations for the week:

Ozzie Guillen – Head Coach of the Miami Marlin baseball team

Surgeon General Warning: Thinking in Spanish and speaking in English is harmful to your reputation!

The controversial baseball coach made headlines when he expressed his admiration for communist Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.  You don’t have to be the sharpest tool in the tool box to foresee the reaction the comments produced.  First, the baseball team just celebrated the opening of its beautiful new stadium in Miami’s Little Havana neighborhood.  Area residents were shocked at the stupidity of the comments and took serious offense to his remarks.  Baseball suspended Guillen for only five games, while many were calling for his dismissal.  This is the same coach who back in 2006 was fined for using a gay slur during a rant at a Chicago-area writer.

The ozzieness of stupidity explained his remarks.  “I was thinking in Spanish and I said the wrong thing in English.”  For real.  I’m not making that up.  That was his reasoning during his apology.  I guess that’s what happens when you speak out your ass and think it will smell like roses.

Bobby Petrino – Current Former University of Arkansas Head Football Coach

Coach Petrino's reaction to his nomination as Jake Leg of the Week.

We are all aware of the economic hardships so many Americans are currently going through.  But, have you ever witnessed a bigger dumb butt throw away over 18 millions dollars?  Threw it away!  And for what?  Oh, that same old problem, that for some reason, most men never learn the lesson and are doomed to repeat.  Seems Bobby thought he was Tiger Woods.  You know the type…the guy that is better at thinking with his little head instead of his big head.

Days after illegally hiring his longtime mistress to work for him in the football department, Petrino wrecked his motorcycle with the young lady riding along with him.  Seems Petrino tried to cover her appearance up to police and university officials.  The fifty-one year old Petrino is married and has four children.  His girlfriend was twenty-five.

The University Athletic Director fired Petrino “with cause” meaning Petrino will not receive the 18 million dollar buyout! And with his little head, he just pissed it all away…

Lamar Odom – NBA Basketball Player, Dallas Mavericks

Lamar is all smiles as he takes the money and runs.

Lets pretend that you have an incredibly high paying job (for some, you may not need to pretend).  You are paid millions of dollars to do something you love.  You get to travel and find adoration where ever you go.  You fall in love with the glitz and bright lights of your hometown.  Without warning, your boss comes in and transfers you away.  Now the transfer isn’t to East Siberia or BF Egypt or some other far off and undesirable location, but a large metroplex in a very chic city.

No big deal, right?

But let’s say you object to the move.  Shortly after arriving you take a ten-day personal leave of absence.  You show up for work but you’re not ready to do your job physically.  You’re habitually tardy to all work meetings and you were actually late for work, despite living right across the street from your workplace.  You are cited for a lack of committment and lack of effort by your co workers.  To top it all off, you get in a heated argument with the owner of the company.  The bad news is the boss lets you go.  You are publicly ridiculed.  But you don’t care, because no matter what a big douche bag you are, you still get to collect the remaining 8.9 million dollars owed to you on your contract.  Crazy, right?

Where can I sign up for such a job?

Time to cue the house band and ask the drummer for a drum roll….

And the winner is…..

Bobby Petrino!

Petrino does not appear overly excited to win our first Jake Leg of the Week Award.

What is it about men in Arkansas with money, prestige and power and use all this in order to have sex with much younger women?  Seems like I’ve heard this story before…

So there you have it – our very first Jake Leg of the Week Award winner!

What do you think?  Was Petrino the obvious winner in a landslide vote or was there someone more deserving that we overlooked?  Cast your votes and don’t forget you can text your vote just like on American Idol!!

Now all we have to do is sit back and wait as the news unfolds each day for someone is out there lurking just out of our periphery, ready to claim the prize next week…until then, remember it is always best to think in English and speak in English!