“My God Man, What is the Answer?”

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Blogs, Inspiration, Never Stop Learning, Static in the Airwaves, Tim L O'Brien, Writing Conferences

No matter how many times Father Menner pounded my chest with fists attached to Popeye sized forearms I never knew the answer. No matter how much hair he pulled from my head the answers never came. It didn’t matter how many times he kicked me in the shins with those hard, pointed Priest shoes, a correct answer was never muttered from my voice.

To this day, I hate Algebra. And to this day, I’ve never had to use it.

Or Calculus.

But I don’t hate Father John Menner, may he rest in peace.

There was a time,  when as a fifteen-year-old freshman at an all-boys Catholic High School in Houston, Texas when I hated as a boy should never hate. My evil thoughts towards the fiery, white-haired Priest would get me a permanent suspension in today’s school system.

Did he humiliate me in front of almost everyone in our freshman class? You bet.

Every time I walked into his math class I felt his glare, his beady eyes locked onto mine, a bright spotlight following me to my seat, announcing to the class – “Look, here comes the math dumb ass!”

“MY GOD MAN…WHAT IS THE ANSWER?”

That was his favorite question. Each word from his mouth, each syllable, came with a direct punch to the sternum, like a drummer keeping a beat. When each question was  followed only with silence he repeated the question, and the punches. And I never knew the answer. (I received a degree in Journalism because there was no math requirements.)

I’m sure Father Menner is smiling now (do mean bastards go to Heaven?)  because I finally found the answer. The answer has nothing to do with math or algebra or calculus.

The answer is you never stop trying. Never stop learning.

My fear of Fr. Menner’s punches motivated me to sign up for extra tutoring during school. I worked harder. I tried harder. Not because I wanted to be a mathematician, I just wanted the menacing math teacher to start beating on someone else in class. His motivation worked. I passed his class. With a D! I figured you can’t get lemonade every time you squeeze a lemon.

This past weekend I attended my first writers conference in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. Many of the 450 or so attendees were retired, desiring to learn more about the writing profession. No matter our ages, we were all eager to learn more.

If you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, well, you can damn sure try!

As much as I learned from getting my butt whipped every day in freshman math, I’ve learned much easier lessons, and gained much more inspiration from just watching my father.

This October he will turn 79 years old. He still gets up before the roosters every morning, puts on his coat and tie and heads to work. Not because he has to. He could have retired many, many years ago, his financial security set with the numerous oil and gas wells he discovered. He goes to work each day because he wants to. He wants to discover more oil and gas. He loves his work. He loves the changes in technologies. He loves the challenge.

Every afternoon he has a woman come to his office and tutor him in Spanish. I don’t know how many years this has gone on, but the funny thing is, he is as fluent in Spanish as a native-born in Mexico. Yet, he still wants to learn more.

I look at my father and find my inspiration. Sometimes, a parent’s greatest lesson to a child is the one they don’t teach. They show by example and it is up to the child to figure it out on their own.

We are never too old to quit learning. We are never too old to quit trying. There is too much yet to discover and experience.

Just don’t expect me to go and sign up for Algebra tutoring.

What about you? Do you still have the drive and desire to learn new things? Have you ever had a Priest beat on you for your own good? Can you explain why Algebra is even necessary? 

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Jake Leg of the Week 5-6-12

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Ben Baldanza, Blogs, Jake Leg of the Week Award, Jerry Meekins, Spirit Airlines, Static in the Airwaves, Tanning Mom, Tim L O'Brien

Welcome and thank you for stopping by this week’s award ceremony where we all gather in bated breath for the unveiling of the Jake Leg of the Week, as we hand out another “Mooning Troll” trophy.

And what a week it was! While news from the sports and celebrity world was rather tame this past week, rest easy, we had no trouble finding candidates. In fact, after tallying all the votes, I may demand a recount. I’m searching my Rolodex for Al Gore’s attorney.  While our winner is a true champion in the Jake Leg fashion, I really wanted to give the award to our other candidate, but being a bizarre nut job does not earn enough votes to move past a true lame brain.

So without further adieu, cue the curtains and lets take a look at our two well deserving candidates this week.

Ben Baldanza, Spirit Airlines CEO

I’m never amazed anymore with the stupidity of some people, or their ability to keep their high paying job. Television meteorologists are a perfect example. The weather predictors are over paid and never right. I vote to abolish the seven-day forecast. The next day forecast is never accurate, so what’s the point in predicting seven days incorrectly?

But I digress. The point in this rant is how in the world does Mr. Baldanza keep his job? If the Facebook protests have any effect, he may be standing in the unemployment lines soon.

Its been a rough week for the airline boss. Hey, if you’re going to play the fool, you might as well go all out and buy the best new, shiny dunce cap, drop your drawers and show what a real a** you are.

Baldanza first made headlines when he defended his airlines stance to refuse a refund to Jerry Meekins, a 76-year-old, former marine and Vietnam Veteran.

Meekins had purchased a $197 flight ticket to go visit his daughter who was having surgery. However, Meekins doctor advised against him flying due to his medical condition. Meekins has terminal esophageal cancer. He sought a cash refund for the ticket but was refused because he hadn’t bought flight insurance. He then asked to have the ticket transferred to his daughter so she could come visit him. This too was denied.

“It’s fair and reasonable for us to hold our customers to be accountable to the choices and decisions and promises they essentially make when they buy a ticket,” Baldanza stated in a Fox New interview. “He actively chose not to purchase the $14 insurance, but then after his situation changed, he wants the benefit of that. There just wasn’t a way we could do that without essentially cheating all the other customers at the airline.”

Huh? Really?

During the television interview, Baldanza was asked about his airlines industry-leading rate of customer complaints. Spirit Airlines has racked up almost double the amount of complaints to the nearest competitor. Baldanza’s reply? “That’s an irrelevant statistic.”

If you’re building a firestorm in public relations you might as well pour more gasoline on the fire.  Spirit Airlines then announced that fliers who pay for a carry-on bag at the boarding gate will now be charged $100. I’m not making this up! Throwing that carry-on bag in the overhead bin will now cost you one hundred bucks!

I sense Marketing and Public Relations 101 teachers across the nation shaking their heads in disgust.

Our next candidate comes from the strange but true category, and when I say strange, I mean the truly bizarre section of the nut house.

Patricia Krentcil aka The Tanning Mom

You probably saw the Tanning Mom all over the news this week. The over-baked mom has been charged by police with child endangerment for allegedly bringing her six year-old daughter inside a tanning both. The allegation, if true, is a pretty sick and cruel thing for a parent to do to a child, but that is not the most disgusting thing to be revealed in this story.  What this woman has done to herself is shocking and very disturbing.

When I first saw Krentcil on the nightly news my first thought was she looked like one of Willy Wonka’s Oompa Loompa’s.

Several networks brought out experts who claimed she may be tanorexic.  Sounds like another made up illness for someone whose only sufferable disease comes from a lack of intelligence.

Years from now when she arrives at the doctor’s office to treat her skin cancer, her insurance company will refuse payment on the claim, stating that ignorance is not a treatable disease.

Now that you have had a chance to learn a little about our two candidates it’s time to raise our glasses in a toast to this week’s biggest dumb a**

And the winner is….Spirit Airlines CEO Ben Baldanza!! Hooray for you bud. You are a Jake Leg in the truest sense.

All weekly winners are automatically eligible for the Jake Leg of the Year Award announced in late December.

A few disclaimers about this award: First, this in not a forum for the writer to vent or push his own political viewpoints on the readers. Everyone and anyone is fair game in this contest. I would prefer to choose a winner from the sporting world where prima dona’s are a premium, or the celebrity world, where entitlement seems to be part of the DNA makeup. Actors and sports stars are more fun to poke fun at, and there will always be an abundant supply of stupidity.  Politicians are not exempt from this award, however, it must be noted that by allowing them to participate, they could potentially dominate the award, thus making it unfair to others.  And as our president continues to insist to us: it must be fair for everyone!

If you enjoyed today’s blog and would like to have it delivered to your email inbox please click the follow button. This blog will be hand delivered to your front door step every time right there in your computer, notebook or cell phone, and I have better aim than the local paperboy in your neighborhood! Thank you for stopping by…