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When your children were at a young age, the age when they still believed in the big red guy, did you ever use Santa to help discipline your child?  Did the threat to call Santa ever work?  During a recent tantrum by my daughter, a simple “Maybe we should call Santa and see if you are still on the nice list” was all it took.  The tizzy was over just as fast as it started.  Over the years I owe Santa a lot of thank you cards.  I don’t think Santa ever intended for parents to use him as a disciplinary tool, but hey, if it works I will use it for all it’s worth!

So what is it about Santa’s naughty or nice list?  Was the intended purpose of the list nothing more than a means to bribe to our children to keep them orderly?

Last week blogger extraordinaire August McLaughlin made her own version of a naughty or nice list.  Her blog Naughty & Nice: Confessions of a Goodie-Goodie was great fun.  So much fun, I have decided to accept her invitation and play in her game.  Click on her link for a better understanding of how the game works, and for an entertaining look at her naughty or nice list.

Picture this as an adult version of the naughty or nice list, only this time, you get to play Santa and decide.

Now this game is not quite so simple.  I will list things that I MAY or MAY NOT have done!  Maybe I am guilty of everything on the list, or maybe I didn’t do any of it.  It is up to you the reader to decide which exploits happened, and which are just a fixture of my imagination.  (Note to my Mom who reads this: I did not do any of these things. This is just for entertainment value.)

I am so naughty, I:

1. Passed out and woke up locked inside a bar in New Orléans the next morning with no way to get out.

2. Found myself surrounded by ten Mexican Federales, screaming at me in Spanish, with machine guns pointed directly at me while at a bar in a small border town in Mexico.

3. Tried to take a 6 foot hotel Santa Claus decoration up the elevator with me.

4. Played naked red rover at a house Christmas Party.

5. Bribed my high school biology teacher into giving me a “C” in his class after catching him smoking pot after school.

6. Wahoo’d beer from the same convenience store week after week while in high school and never got caught.

7. Drove a jeep off a cliff.

8. Broke wind at Sound Warehouse and when the attractive girl across the record aisle looked up, I pointed at my friend Chris, without him seeing me.

9. After a dare and several beers bunji jumped at the state fair.

10. Ate cow tongue at a pub in London and like it.

11. Fed the homeless in Chicago on Thanksgiving one year.

12. Had dinner and drinks (lots of drinks) with a King in Dallas, Texas.

13. Got tongue-tied when author Harlan Coben said “How you doing, Big Guy”

14.  Broke into the Priest’s supply room at my all-boys high school and ate all the unblessed communion wafers.

So guess away!  In the comment section below let me know which things you believe I did or didn’t do.  The winner gets….well, nothing.  The correct answers will be revealed in next Tuesday’s blog.

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