“My God Man, What is the Answer?”

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No matter how many times Father Menner pounded my chest with fists attached to Popeye sized forearms I never knew the answer. No matter how much hair he pulled from my head the answers never came. It didn’t matter how many times he kicked me in the shins with those hard, pointed Priest shoes, a correct answer was never muttered from my voice.

To this day, I hate Algebra. And to this day, I’ve never had to use it.

Or Calculus.

But I don’t hate Father John Menner, may he rest in peace.

There was a time,  when as a fifteen-year-old freshman at an all-boys Catholic High School in Houston, Texas when I hated as a boy should never hate. My evil thoughts towards the fiery, white-haired Priest would get me a permanent suspension in today’s school system.

Did he humiliate me in front of almost everyone in our freshman class? You bet.

Every time I walked into his math class I felt his glare, his beady eyes locked onto mine, a bright spotlight following me to my seat, announcing to the class – “Look, here comes the math dumb ass!”

“MY GOD MAN…WHAT IS THE ANSWER?”

That was his favorite question. Each word from his mouth, each syllable, came with a direct punch to the sternum, like a drummer keeping a beat. When each question was  followed only with silence he repeated the question, and the punches. And I never knew the answer. (I received a degree in Journalism because there was no math requirements.)

I’m sure Father Menner is smiling now (do mean bastards go to Heaven?)  because I finally found the answer. The answer has nothing to do with math or algebra or calculus.

The answer is you never stop trying. Never stop learning.

My fear of Fr. Menner’s punches motivated me to sign up for extra tutoring during school. I worked harder. I tried harder. Not because I wanted to be a mathematician, I just wanted the menacing math teacher to start beating on someone else in class. His motivation worked. I passed his class. With a D! I figured you can’t get lemonade every time you squeeze a lemon.

This past weekend I attended my first writers conference in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. Many of the 450 or so attendees were retired, desiring to learn more about the writing profession. No matter our ages, we were all eager to learn more.

If you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, well, you can damn sure try!

As much as I learned from getting my butt whipped every day in freshman math, I’ve learned much easier lessons, and gained much more inspiration from just watching my father.

This October he will turn 79 years old. He still gets up before the roosters every morning, puts on his coat and tie and heads to work. Not because he has to. He could have retired many, many years ago, his financial security set with the numerous oil and gas wells he discovered. He goes to work each day because he wants to. He wants to discover more oil and gas. He loves his work. He loves the changes in technologies. He loves the challenge.

Every afternoon he has a woman come to his office and tutor him in Spanish. I don’t know how many years this has gone on, but the funny thing is, he is as fluent in Spanish as a native-born in Mexico. Yet, he still wants to learn more.

I look at my father and find my inspiration. Sometimes, a parent’s greatest lesson to a child is the one they don’t teach. They show by example and it is up to the child to figure it out on their own.

We are never too old to quit learning. We are never too old to quit trying. There is too much yet to discover and experience.

Just don’t expect me to go and sign up for Algebra tutoring.

What about you? Do you still have the drive and desire to learn new things? Have you ever had a Priest beat on you for your own good? Can you explain why Algebra is even necessary? 

If you enjoyed today’s blog and would like to have it delivered to your email inbox please click the follow button. This blog will be hand delivered to your front door step every time right there in your computer, notebook or cell phone, and I have better aim than the local paperboy in your neighborhood! Thank you for stopping by…

Jake Leg of the Week 5-6-12

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Welcome and thank you for stopping by this week’s award ceremony where we all gather in bated breath for the unveiling of the Jake Leg of the Week, as we hand out another “Mooning Troll” trophy.

And what a week it was! While news from the sports and celebrity world was rather tame this past week, rest easy, we had no trouble finding candidates. In fact, after tallying all the votes, I may demand a recount. I’m searching my Rolodex for Al Gore’s attorney.  While our winner is a true champion in the Jake Leg fashion, I really wanted to give the award to our other candidate, but being a bizarre nut job does not earn enough votes to move past a true lame brain.

So without further adieu, cue the curtains and lets take a look at our two well deserving candidates this week.

Ben Baldanza, Spirit Airlines CEO

I’m never amazed anymore with the stupidity of some people, or their ability to keep their high paying job. Television meteorologists are a perfect example. The weather predictors are over paid and never right. I vote to abolish the seven-day forecast. The next day forecast is never accurate, so what’s the point in predicting seven days incorrectly?

But I digress. The point in this rant is how in the world does Mr. Baldanza keep his job? If the Facebook protests have any effect, he may be standing in the unemployment lines soon.

Its been a rough week for the airline boss. Hey, if you’re going to play the fool, you might as well go all out and buy the best new, shiny dunce cap, drop your drawers and show what a real a** you are.

Baldanza first made headlines when he defended his airlines stance to refuse a refund to Jerry Meekins, a 76-year-old, former marine and Vietnam Veteran.

Meekins had purchased a $197 flight ticket to go visit his daughter who was having surgery. However, Meekins doctor advised against him flying due to his medical condition. Meekins has terminal esophageal cancer. He sought a cash refund for the ticket but was refused because he hadn’t bought flight insurance. He then asked to have the ticket transferred to his daughter so she could come visit him. This too was denied.

“It’s fair and reasonable for us to hold our customers to be accountable to the choices and decisions and promises they essentially make when they buy a ticket,” Baldanza stated in a Fox New interview. “He actively chose not to purchase the $14 insurance, but then after his situation changed, he wants the benefit of that. There just wasn’t a way we could do that without essentially cheating all the other customers at the airline.”

Huh? Really?

During the television interview, Baldanza was asked about his airlines industry-leading rate of customer complaints. Spirit Airlines has racked up almost double the amount of complaints to the nearest competitor. Baldanza’s reply? “That’s an irrelevant statistic.”

If you’re building a firestorm in public relations you might as well pour more gasoline on the fire.  Spirit Airlines then announced that fliers who pay for a carry-on bag at the boarding gate will now be charged $100. I’m not making this up! Throwing that carry-on bag in the overhead bin will now cost you one hundred bucks!

I sense Marketing and Public Relations 101 teachers across the nation shaking their heads in disgust.

Our next candidate comes from the strange but true category, and when I say strange, I mean the truly bizarre section of the nut house.

Patricia Krentcil aka The Tanning Mom

You probably saw the Tanning Mom all over the news this week. The over-baked mom has been charged by police with child endangerment for allegedly bringing her six year-old daughter inside a tanning both. The allegation, if true, is a pretty sick and cruel thing for a parent to do to a child, but that is not the most disgusting thing to be revealed in this story.  What this woman has done to herself is shocking and very disturbing.

When I first saw Krentcil on the nightly news my first thought was she looked like one of Willy Wonka’s Oompa Loompa’s.

Several networks brought out experts who claimed she may be tanorexic.  Sounds like another made up illness for someone whose only sufferable disease comes from a lack of intelligence.

Years from now when she arrives at the doctor’s office to treat her skin cancer, her insurance company will refuse payment on the claim, stating that ignorance is not a treatable disease.

Now that you have had a chance to learn a little about our two candidates it’s time to raise our glasses in a toast to this week’s biggest dumb a**

And the winner is….Spirit Airlines CEO Ben Baldanza!! Hooray for you bud. You are a Jake Leg in the truest sense.

All weekly winners are automatically eligible for the Jake Leg of the Year Award announced in late December.

A few disclaimers about this award: First, this in not a forum for the writer to vent or push his own political viewpoints on the readers. Everyone and anyone is fair game in this contest. I would prefer to choose a winner from the sporting world where prima dona’s are a premium, or the celebrity world, where entitlement seems to be part of the DNA makeup. Actors and sports stars are more fun to poke fun at, and there will always be an abundant supply of stupidity.  Politicians are not exempt from this award, however, it must be noted that by allowing them to participate, they could potentially dominate the award, thus making it unfair to others.  And as our president continues to insist to us: it must be fair for everyone!

If you enjoyed today’s blog and would like to have it delivered to your email inbox please click the follow button. This blog will be hand delivered to your front door step every time right there in your computer, notebook or cell phone, and I have better aim than the local paperboy in your neighborhood! Thank you for stopping by…


The Fall of a Nation’s Pride

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Today marks the 37th anniversary of the Fall of Saigon, the end of a sad and painful chapter in American history.  The day our country’s legacy as a beacon of freedom which stood tall and mighty against the threats of tyrants came to an end.

April 30, 1975 marked the conclusion of the United States involvement in Vietnam as the last helicopter airlifted from the US Embassy while the North Vietnamese marched into, and took control of Saigon.

As the wop-wop sounds from the Huey helicopter faded into the air, the Vietnam War was over.  Over 58,000 brave Americans lost their lives in the jungle.  An estimated quarter of a million South Vietnamese military lost their lives as well.  As we abandoned the South Vietnamese people that day, we also abandoned the sacrifices made my so many young Americans.

The United States was no longer invincible.

Television sets in living rooms all across our country showed the chaos and struggles of the South Vietnamese people trying desperately to board the last remaining helicopters in fear of being left behind.  We saw the desperation and fear on their faces, and in their eyes.

Operation Frequent Wind went down as the largest helicopter evacuation.  More than 1,000 Americans and nearly 6,000 Vietnamese escaped from various locations in Saigon and taken to U.S. aircraft carriers waiting offshore.  More than half the refugees were taken to the USS Midway.

Corporal Charles McMahon, eleven days away from celebrating his 22nd birthday, and 19-year old Lance Corporal Darwin Judge, both U.S. Marines, were killed in a North Vietnamese rocket attack, one day before the Fall of Saigon.  They were the last two servicemen killed in Vietnam.

So on this day, and everyday, remember the sacrifices made by our men and women in uniform, so that we may enjoy the freedoms envied by so many.

Lasting Images

The Vietnam War and the turbulent 60’s left us with lasting images of the evils that exist in this world.  The sobering realization of the darkness that lies deep within each of us.   Photographic images that are engrained in our memory, as a chapter in our history, to make sure we never forget the past.

A reminder that war is hell.  For everyone.

Jake Leg of the Week 4/28/12

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I have to say there wasn’t much competition this week.  Sure there were some deserving candidates, but the weekly winner was pretty much determined by last Sunday.

This was not a week in which I was forced to read the back pages in search of a winner.  In fact, our winner presented himself to the viewing public on a nationally televised live broadcast this past Sunday.  I had my winner, and I was on easy street the rest of the week.

Regardless, I felt the need to offer up at least one other sacrifice candidate, if for no other reason to illustrate that there are always plenty of idiots deserving of nomination for Jake Leg of the Week.

Wallace Collins

Usually, I will try and stay away from local candidates.  I prefer nominations to be prominently known idiots, but this week I had to nominate Mr. Collins for the award.

Wallace Collins is the chairman of the Oklahoma Democratic Party.  This past week Collins made news when he likened mass murder Timothy McVeigh to tea party activists to a Fox News Reporter.

Uhhh…say what?

Not the smartest analogy to make, much less one week after the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing.  Given the chance to apologize for his comments, Wallace stood by his statement.

Ron Artest aka Metta World Peace, NBA Basketball Thug  Player

Watch the following video.  No other explanation will be necessary!

This past off season, controversial basketball player Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace to reflect his new, kinder, gentler side.  But this past Sunday, the old Ron Artest reared his ugly head, or in this case, elbow, and showed a nationally televised audience that no matter how much lipstick you put on a pig, it’s still just a pig.

New name.  Same thug-ish behavior.

And the winner of the Mooning Troll Trophy goes to….

Ron Artest

This was an open and shut contest this week.

So lets celebrate and raise our glasses in a toast to the biggest dumb a** making headlines this week.

All weekly winners are automatically eligible for the Jake Leg of the Year Award announced in late December.

A few disclaimers about this award: First, this in not a forum for the writer to vent or push his own political viewpoints on the readers. Everyone and anyone is fair game in this contest. I would prefer to choose a winner from the sporting world where prima dona’s are a premium, or the celebrity world, where entitlement seems to be part of the DNA makeup. Actors and sports stars are more fun to poke fun at, and there will always be an abundant supply of stupidity.  Politicians are not exempt from this award, however, it must be noted that by allowing them to participate, they could potentially dominate the award, thus making it unfair to others.  And as our president continues to insist to us: it must be fair for everyone!

I hope everyone has a good week, and remember, (in my best Casey Kasem voice) Keep your feet on the ground, but watch what you step in!

Jake Leg of the Week Award – 4/20/12

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Welcome back to the second installment of Jake Leg of the Week.

I have to admit, the previous week was a near perfect week to start this weekly award. The stars perfectly aligned and the skies parted to reveal our first winner – Bobby Petrino.  There were plenty of deserving candidates to choose from.  This week has been somewhat slower, perhaps the fear of winning the ‘mooning troll’ trophy has kept potential candidates from inserting foot into mouth/showing their ass!

Lucky for me, I didn’t have to search too far. Seems idiots are not hard to identify and will always stand out in a crowded world.

A few disclaimers about this award. First, this in not a forum for the writer to vent or push his own political viewpoints on the readers. Everyone and anyone is fair game in this contest. I would prefer to choose a winner from the sporting world where prima dona’s are a premium, or the celebrity world, where entitlement seems to be part of the DNA makeup. Actors and sports stars are more fun to poke fun at.  Politicians are not exempt from this award, however, it must be noted that by allowing them to participate, they could potentially dominate the award, thus making it unfair to others.  And as our president continues to insist to us: it must be fair for everyone!

So here we go…Week 2 Nominees:

Amanda Clayton

The first candidate this week is a 25-year-old woman from Michigan who won $1 million in the state’s Make Me Rich! game show. Well, you can give the ignorant a bunch of money, but you can’t hide the ignorance, no matter how you dress it up.  Lottery winner, Amanda Clayton, continued using her food stamp card and never informed welfare officials of her winnings.  She has been charged with two felonies for welfare fraud.

Clayton believed she was justified in continuing to collect state payments because she is unemployed.  “I felt that its OK because, I mean, I have no income and I have bills to pay. I have two houses.”

Oh, by all means, keep using those foods stamps, we all would hate for you to sell that second house!

Bill Maher

Remember when a comedian was actually funny? Bill Cosby, Richard Pryor, Robin Williams, Chris Rock and George Carlin were all true comedians.  Bill Maher does not fit in this category. Instead, the HBO comedian show host is about as funny as poison ivy in the groin area. Come to think of it, Maher is exactly like poison ivy in the genitals.

His latest example of opening his mouth and showing his ass came as he continued to bash Ann Romney which only added more fuel to the war against stay-at-home moms. “Ann Romney has never gotten her ass out of the house to work at 7am when it’s cold, having to deal with the boss, being in a workplace, and even if you’re unhappy you can’t show it for 8 hours.”

Uh…um… is there honestly any point is stating the obvious counter point to his ignorance?

I see a new reality TV show in the future staring Bill Maher facing the challenges of a stay-at-home mom. Of course, the show wouldn’t last more than one episode. The liberal elitist would crumble. Now that would be comedy.

Other nominees receiving votes this week: Richard Land, president of the Southern Baptist Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission who used his radio show recently to accuse black leaders of exploiting Trayvon Martin for political gain. Land’s comments used during the radio program were lifted directly from a Washington Times article without giving attribution to the columnist… The Pulitzer Prize Board for failing to award a Pulitzer Prize for fiction.  For the first time in 35 years, the board failed to recognize a winner in fiction, angering authors and the publishing community… The 11 agents of the  Secret Service who engaged in activities with prostitutes in Cartagena, Columbia. The agents were disqualified from finalist contention this week because our budget only allows for one ‘mooning troll’ trophy per week.  We simply don’t have the budget to hand out 11 trophies in one week!

And the Jake Leg of the Week Award goes to….

Rosie O’Donnell with a penis Bil Maher!!!

Anyone that willfully angers stay-at-home mom’s, and mom’s in generally should immediately be admitted into the nearest psych hospital and tested for brain activity. Personally, I would rather be dipped in honey and forced to streak through a bee farm naked than anger an underappreciated group of mothers!

So lets celebrate and raise our glasses in a toast to the biggest dumb a** making headlines in this crazy ol’ world of ours.  I have a feeling Mr. Maher could be a repeat winner.

All weekly winners become eligible for the Jake Leg of the Year award.

So, did I miss any candidates this week? Was there a Jake Leg that didn’t appear on my radar? What do you think about Maher’s comments degrading stay-at-home mom’s?

The Day We Will Never Forget…

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“For the survivors of the crimes and for the families of the dead the pain goes on.” – Former President George W. Bush

April 19, 1995.

On some days it seems just like yesterday. Other days, well, its seems like a lifetime ago.

It was one of those moments in our history which falls under the heading, “Where were you when…”

Like the day Kennedy was assassinated. Or when John Lennon and Ronald Reagan were shot.  We remember where we were when we heard the news.  Of course, we all remember where we were when we saw the images of planes flying into buildings in New York City as we sat in shock, our eyes glued to the television.

April 19, 1995. The day that shook America. The day that shocked Oklahoma City.  The day terrorism came on our own soil. The largest act of domestic terrorism to our country. A day that brought death to 168 innocent lives, including 19 children, destroying families in America’s heartland.

A day for those of us in Oklahoma that we will never forget, nor should we ever forget. A day seventeen years ago that we still vividly remember.

These things just don’t happen in Oklahoma, a state more noted for college football national championships and a Rogers and Hammerstein musical. A state built upon moral character and conservative values.

April 19, 1995. The day a yellow Ryder rental truck driven by Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols brought real world terror to our front door step. A day we lost 168 of our brothers and sisters in the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building. A day where 680 were injured. By a bomb built by cowards. A bomb that destroyed over 300 buildings in a 16 block radius.

Timothy McVeigh was executed by the federal government in June of 2001.  Nichols wasn’t given the death sentence, and still resides in a Colorado Supermax prison facility where he still complains about the food.

So many questions still to ask. So many answers that will never come.

For more information on the Oklahoma City Memorial and Museum click on the link to take you to the website. If you are ever in the area or visiting Oklahoma stop by and visit the Memorial site.

The following is a video tribute to the music of Live’s Lightening Crashes.

Please continue to honor the victims and their families.

Don’t ever forget….

Riding with a King Into Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame

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Over the weekend, the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame celebrated the inductions of the Class of 2012.  Notable inductees included Guns N’ Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Donovan and the Beastie Boys.  Shamefully missing from the spotlight and barely receiving a mention in most of the print and on-line stories was the induction of legendary Texas bluesman Freddie King.

(In the above photo, Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill of ZZ Top, Joe Banamassa and Derek Trucks hit the stage to honor King with two songs.)

In blues circles, there are three kings:  B.B. King, Albert King and Freddie King (none are related). Everyone has heard of B.B. King. Unless you are a die-hard blues fan, you probably haven’t heard of Albert King. But for me, my favorite King was always Freddie.

Born in Gilmer, Texas in 1934, King and his family moved to Chicago in 1949. The move turned into a blessing in disguise for Freddie. He quickly found his way into the blues clubs in town and was mesmerized by the music he heard.

By age 16, he was sneaking into the clubs on double dares from his buddies. One night he bet his friends that not only would he sneak in, but that he would also find his way on stage and play with the house band. He won the bet, but not before the club owner realized how young he was and ordered the bouncers to escort him out. Freddie never made it out the door, as the legendary Howlin’ Wolf, stepped in and told the owner that the young kid was with him. Not long after, Freddie was running the famed musical streets of Chicago with the likes of Wolf, Muddy Waters, Jimmy Reed, Robert Lockwood and Little Walter.

King fell in love with the nightlife of the club atmosphere and stayed out after hours partying and gambling. His wife had enough, and with their six children moved back to Texas. Realizing his family wasn’t coming back to Chicago, Freddie moved to Dallas in 1963 and his career began to hit new highs.

The following video is of King performing two songs for the TV show The!!!Beat in the in the mid-sixties.

In 1969 at the Texas Pop Festival, King shared the bill with the likes of Led Zepplin, Sly and the Family Stone and Ten Years After. It was reported that the members of Led Zepplin stood at the side of the stage and were awestruck by King’s guitar playing and soulful voice.  His music caught the ear of Oklahoma musician Leon Russell, who had started his own record label – Shelter Records.  He recorded three albums on Shelter – Getting Ready (1971), The Texas Cannonball (1972) and Woman Across the River (1973).  If you have never heard of, or listened to King’s music, the Shelter Records are considered his finest recordings and a great place to get introduced to the man with a monster guitar and powerfully soulful voice. If you truly love the blues, these three albums are a must for your collection.

Soon after, he found himself out on tour with Grand Funk Railroad (listen for the reference to playing poker with King in their hit song “We Are An American Band”), Creedence Clearwater Rival and Eric Clapton.

The following video was recorded in Sweden in 1973 and really highlights his guitar playing. Watch the video if for no other reason to check out King’s shirt collar! You have to love the fashion of the 70’s.  Have you ever seen a shirt with lapels that are so large they fold over his massive shoulders? They look like airplane wings!

Stevie Ray Vaughn and his brother Jimmie were often quoted as stating that Freddie King was a major influence on their music. Other notable guitar greats Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck and Duane Allman all noted King as a major influence to their musical careers.

King died at the young age of 42 due to complications of an acute ulcer and pancreatitis in Dallas.

His recognition into the Hall of Fame was long overdue, but very, very well deserved.

Jake Leg of the Week Award

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All winners will receive their very own mooning troll trophy to proudly show off to any friends they may still have.

Welcome to my inaugural awarding of the Jake Leg of the Week.  Each week we will celebrate and raise our glasses in a toast to the biggest dumb a** making headlines in this crazy ol’ world of ours.  Each winner will be presented the ‘Mooning Troll’ trophy.  Feel free to send in nominations throughout the week as you see fit.

As you would expect, there were several well deserving candidates dip sh**s this week, and like a herd of horses racing down the home stretch neck and neck it came down to the wire in a photo finish.

Now, without further adieu, here are my three nominations for the week:

Ozzie Guillen – Head Coach of the Miami Marlin baseball team

Surgeon General Warning: Thinking in Spanish and speaking in English is harmful to your reputation!

The controversial baseball coach made headlines when he expressed his admiration for communist Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.  You don’t have to be the sharpest tool in the tool box to foresee the reaction the comments produced.  First, the baseball team just celebrated the opening of its beautiful new stadium in Miami’s Little Havana neighborhood.  Area residents were shocked at the stupidity of the comments and took serious offense to his remarks.  Baseball suspended Guillen for only five games, while many were calling for his dismissal.  This is the same coach who back in 2006 was fined for using a gay slur during a rant at a Chicago-area writer.

The ozzieness of stupidity explained his remarks.  “I was thinking in Spanish and I said the wrong thing in English.”  For real.  I’m not making that up.  That was his reasoning during his apology.  I guess that’s what happens when you speak out your ass and think it will smell like roses.

Bobby Petrino – Current Former University of Arkansas Head Football Coach

Coach Petrino's reaction to his nomination as Jake Leg of the Week.

We are all aware of the economic hardships so many Americans are currently going through.  But, have you ever witnessed a bigger dumb butt throw away over 18 millions dollars?  Threw it away!  And for what?  Oh, that same old problem, that for some reason, most men never learn the lesson and are doomed to repeat.  Seems Bobby thought he was Tiger Woods.  You know the type…the guy that is better at thinking with his little head instead of his big head.

Days after illegally hiring his longtime mistress to work for him in the football department, Petrino wrecked his motorcycle with the young lady riding along with him.  Seems Petrino tried to cover her appearance up to police and university officials.  The fifty-one year old Petrino is married and has four children.  His girlfriend was twenty-five.

The University Athletic Director fired Petrino “with cause” meaning Petrino will not receive the 18 million dollar buyout! And with his little head, he just pissed it all away…

Lamar Odom – NBA Basketball Player, Dallas Mavericks

Lamar is all smiles as he takes the money and runs.

Lets pretend that you have an incredibly high paying job (for some, you may not need to pretend).  You are paid millions of dollars to do something you love.  You get to travel and find adoration where ever you go.  You fall in love with the glitz and bright lights of your hometown.  Without warning, your boss comes in and transfers you away.  Now the transfer isn’t to East Siberia or BF Egypt or some other far off and undesirable location, but a large metroplex in a very chic city.

No big deal, right?

But let’s say you object to the move.  Shortly after arriving you take a ten-day personal leave of absence.  You show up for work but you’re not ready to do your job physically.  You’re habitually tardy to all work meetings and you were actually late for work, despite living right across the street from your workplace.  You are cited for a lack of committment and lack of effort by your co workers.  To top it all off, you get in a heated argument with the owner of the company.  The bad news is the boss lets you go.  You are publicly ridiculed.  But you don’t care, because no matter what a big douche bag you are, you still get to collect the remaining 8.9 million dollars owed to you on your contract.  Crazy, right?

Where can I sign up for such a job?

Time to cue the house band and ask the drummer for a drum roll….

And the winner is…..

Bobby Petrino!

Petrino does not appear overly excited to win our first Jake Leg of the Week Award.

What is it about men in Arkansas with money, prestige and power and use all this in order to have sex with much younger women?  Seems like I’ve heard this story before…

So there you have it – our very first Jake Leg of the Week Award winner!

What do you think?  Was Petrino the obvious winner in a landslide vote or was there someone more deserving that we overlooked?  Cast your votes and don’t forget you can text your vote just like on American Idol!!

Now all we have to do is sit back and wait as the news unfolds each day for someone is out there lurking just out of our periphery, ready to claim the prize next week…until then, remember it is always best to think in English and speak in English!

Beannacht na Feile Padraig! – Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds!!

Well my blog site was getting a wee bit lonely so I’ve cleared away the cob webs and swept away the dust just in time to start your Friday with a little Irish-themed celebration in honor of one of the best party days of the year.

I had to set my blog aside in order to spend more time writing on my work in progress which I am thrilled to say is just about done.  Another solid week of writing and the first draft should be done.  I’m very excited about the progress I’ve made this year and really look forward to blogging again.  I won’t be posting four days a week like I was, there just isn’t the time at the moment, but I plan to blog twice a week beginning in April.  I thank those that have so faithfully followed my blog for your patience….

So put on your green and lets gather ’round the bar at our favorite pub and raise a pint or two to Ireland Forever and kick this party weekend off right…with some great music played by who else – Irish musicians!

If you’re reading this and you’re not at work…well…turn those speakers up!!

“The Problem With Some People                                                                                       Is That When They Aren’t Drunk – Their Sober”                                                                      – Irish Poet and Playwright William Butler Yates 

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”                                                                    – Irish Writer and Poet Oscar Wilde

“There are many reasons for drinking. One has just entered my head – If a man doesn’t drink when he’s living, How in the hell can he drink when he’s dead?”

Now that you have watched these videos go out and enjoy your green beer and revelry. Enjoy the Irish traditions Saturday but please, don’t drink and drive!

“May your glass be ever full.  May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows your dead.”

Perfection: Lottery Tickets & Four-Leaf Clovers

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We yearn for it. We strive for it. Its desire drives and fuels the craving and hunger. We stumble and fall. Rise up and fall again. Yet, like fools searching for gold, we march on in pursuit. Longing for a bite of the forbidden apple.

In the sad sense of tragedy found in realism, rarely, will we ever find it.

What is so elusive that litters the highway with failure? What can have such a demonic hold on a person’s soul?

Not winning the lottery, though, I suppose you have a better chance of purchasing the winning ticket as crazy as that may sound.

I’m not talking about any sort of utopian inspired happiness. Or an altered state caused by drugs.

I’m talking about the dream for perfection.

So many strive for it. You’re even given your own label – a perfectionist.

Society praises perfection. We admire it. We applaud it.

Perfection is sought for many reasons. Maybe you’re fueled by the desire to make yourself worthy to someone significant in your life. Like a child, searching for praise from a parent. Maybe the glory is what drives you forward. A desire to be held in immortality. Perhaps, the dogged pursuit to be the best picks you up ever time you fall.

As invisible and elusive as perfection may seem to be, it can be found.

In the sporting world, very few have reached the pinnacles of perfection. The image of Yogi Berra leaping into the arms of Don Larsen in Game 5 of the World Series at the completion of Larsen’s perfect game in which the Yankee pitcher defeated the Brooklyn Dodgers 2-0 in 1956. We remember Mary Lou Retton’s two perfect 10’s during the 1984 Olympics to earn Olympic Gold.

Every time an NFL team reaches the midpoint of a season undefeated, comparisons to the 1972 Miami Dolphins dominates the sports world. The Dolphins are the only team to ever finish an entire season, including a Super Bowl victory, undefeated.  Once again, earlier this year we watched as the Green Bay Packers victory total continued to soar. We began to cheer. Could this team reach perfection? Like the old ABC Wild World of Sports slogan – “The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat” – the Packers failed.

We search for the perfect job. We dream of a wife, two kids and the white picket fence. We strive to be the best we can be. We want the perfect body, the perfect smile.

Our military works to create the perfect, ultimate warrior to send into battle.

As students, we strived for the perfect report card – straight A’s. Well, some of you strived for it, many of you even achieved the perfection. For others, myself included, it never happened.

We all know a diamond is a girls best friend, right? When picking out that diamond for the special someone in your life what are you actually searching for?  A diamond with no flaws, correct?

In the literary world, I always felt Harper Lee wrote the perfect American novel – To Kill A Mockingbird. Was the greatness of her début novel – the level of perfection rarely read or written – a reason that Lee never wrote another book again? She captured lightning in a bottle once, what are the odds of duplicating that level of greatness?

Writing can be a frustrating and a self-damaging career choice. We strive for the perfect word. The perfect sentence. The perfect paragraph. The perfect story. We write, edit, re-write, edit, re-write, edit and end up deleting it all. Is there no wonder why such great writers in our history were also renowned drinkers?

Yet, down the stream we all swim, battling against the currents. Blind or naïve to the overwhelming odds of failure. Striving for something that considering the odds would label us foolish. Leaving Las Vegas with cash in your pocket even has better odds than reaching perfection. Something I’ve never been able to do on any visit to Sin City.

As a child, I used to sit in a field of green, searching for a mythical four-leaf clover. I picked and pulled and searched. After numerous attempts and only finding the standard three-leaved type I came to the conclusion there is no such thing as a four-leaf clover. The luck it would bring was not to come my way.

Can your dreams come true? Can perfection every be reached? Are we fools for setting our goals too high? Is striving for perfection nothing more than a game of roulette or searching for a four-leaved clover?

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